Sunday 27 April 2008
New blog...
I've added a blog to showcase my photo's, the link is to the right. I didnt want to clutter this blog with them so created another...
Friday 18 April 2008
On grandmothers...
My grandmother died on 19 Feb last year (2007)... She wasn't the kind of grandmother who had much to do with us. My father was her eldest son. She only started taking an interest in us after my father died, when it was 'revealed' that she was our grandmother (I knew from the age of eight though, an Uncle had told me one day, why I dont know)...
Then, a few years later, I got married and obviously invited her to the wedding. We had the wedding in the afternoon and a celebration at night... However, in between we had a small party for close family and friends. Only those invited knew about it, she wasn't invited (only because she'd not really been close family).
She found out about it when the Vicar published the details in the local rag... That was when she phoned my mother and played merry hell with her about it and asked why she'd not been invited. I cant remember what my mother said at the time (although it wasnt really anything to do with her as my wife and I had decided who was going), anyway this resulted in a falling out...
A few months later I saw her in the village and she just walked past me, blanking me totally... And I never saw her again, or had anything to do with her after that...
I figured it was her loss, I have three children that she could have seen and had a part in their lives, plus the children of my siblings. She fell out with us, as far as I am concerned it was up to her to come with the Olive branch, not me... But she didnt...
Then, while at an Aunt's funeral I was talking to my grandmothers sister as we were going into the service and found myself sat at the side of my grandmother... I was still talking to my great aunt before the service began when my grandmother asked who I was (because I kept referring to family members)... I told her... then the service began...
My youngest daughter had come with me to my Aunts funeral, she wanted to be there for my cousin (she's a friend of his) and as we were coming out of the service my grandmother asked if my daughter knew that she (grandmother) was her great-grandmother... I told her yes...
That was the last time I saw her...
For the last six years, I've been tracing my family history... and all the time I've been doing that I've wanted to go and see her but thought she wouldn't want to see me after, well, 24 years of not talking to her... That and the fact that she had a sister she never spoke to, and I went to see her to get the information I wanted...But still, there were questions that only she could have answered... and now I can't ask her...
And I've since found out that she's left some of her estate to myself and my two siblings... and when my Uncles and Aunt went to clear the house they found unopened presents that she'd obviously bought for us that she never had the chance to deliver...
She also used to talk about us a lot... So, why the flying foojar didn't she make that extra effort to reach out... All this time I thought she never wanted anything to do with us... and pride got in the way of everything...
I can't say that I miss her, I don't, she wasn't a big part of my life (apart from the fact I carry remnants of her DNA).. I do wish she'd made the effort to contact us... and conversely I wish I'd made that extra effort to go and see her and ask her the questions only she could have answered...
In the end, there were no winners... Everyone lost... My grandmother lost out on eight great-grandchildren, they lost out on knowing their great-grandmother... I lost out on getting answers to specific questions, she lost out on seeing me and my siblings...
Que Sera Sera...
Then, a few years later, I got married and obviously invited her to the wedding. We had the wedding in the afternoon and a celebration at night... However, in between we had a small party for close family and friends. Only those invited knew about it, she wasn't invited (only because she'd not really been close family).
She found out about it when the Vicar published the details in the local rag... That was when she phoned my mother and played merry hell with her about it and asked why she'd not been invited. I cant remember what my mother said at the time (although it wasnt really anything to do with her as my wife and I had decided who was going), anyway this resulted in a falling out...
A few months later I saw her in the village and she just walked past me, blanking me totally... And I never saw her again, or had anything to do with her after that...
I figured it was her loss, I have three children that she could have seen and had a part in their lives, plus the children of my siblings. She fell out with us, as far as I am concerned it was up to her to come with the Olive branch, not me... But she didnt...
Then, while at an Aunt's funeral I was talking to my grandmothers sister as we were going into the service and found myself sat at the side of my grandmother... I was still talking to my great aunt before the service began when my grandmother asked who I was (because I kept referring to family members)... I told her... then the service began...
My youngest daughter had come with me to my Aunts funeral, she wanted to be there for my cousin (she's a friend of his) and as we were coming out of the service my grandmother asked if my daughter knew that she (grandmother) was her great-grandmother... I told her yes...
That was the last time I saw her...
For the last six years, I've been tracing my family history... and all the time I've been doing that I've wanted to go and see her but thought she wouldn't want to see me after, well, 24 years of not talking to her... That and the fact that she had a sister she never spoke to, and I went to see her to get the information I wanted...But still, there were questions that only she could have answered... and now I can't ask her...
And I've since found out that she's left some of her estate to myself and my two siblings... and when my Uncles and Aunt went to clear the house they found unopened presents that she'd obviously bought for us that she never had the chance to deliver...
She also used to talk about us a lot... So, why the flying foojar didn't she make that extra effort to reach out... All this time I thought she never wanted anything to do with us... and pride got in the way of everything...
I can't say that I miss her, I don't, she wasn't a big part of my life (apart from the fact I carry remnants of her DNA).. I do wish she'd made the effort to contact us... and conversely I wish I'd made that extra effort to go and see her and ask her the questions only she could have answered...
In the end, there were no winners... Everyone lost... My grandmother lost out on eight great-grandchildren, they lost out on knowing their great-grandmother... I lost out on getting answers to specific questions, she lost out on seeing me and my siblings...
Que Sera Sera...
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